so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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