For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
