i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
