my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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