Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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