you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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