Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
