Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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