tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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