I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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