Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
