No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
