I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she peed on how many people?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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