her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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