i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
