nut hugger
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
