Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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