so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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