That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She said her name was "party"
home. puking in laundry basket.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
