moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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