So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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