I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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