I heard we made out
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
