you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Michael Bay diarrhea
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
