I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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