youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize