real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
