the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
