And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
