Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
