Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
