btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
