Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
