I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
