i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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