took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize