Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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