i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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