either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
