How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My bed smells like the plague
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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