this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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