took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
