i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
