I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
