I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
