I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
