I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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