and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
