do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
