im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
