my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
