i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
