some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize