he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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