I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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