I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize