it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
