we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just blew my weed a kiss
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
