bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
