He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
