she kept yelling 'call me bella'
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
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