Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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