I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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