he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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