U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize