Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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