why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
