if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
