I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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