How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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