Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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