end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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